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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25812193">to love and be loved</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanayagay/pseuds/hanayagay'>hanayagay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ChikaItaWeek2020, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, kinda? you know how they are</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:49:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25812193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanayagay/pseuds/hanayagay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was hard. Loving others, allowing himself to be loved—but Chikage knew he wasn't the only one struggling.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to love and be loved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is ? kinda vague. it was originally just an idea i wrote out at like 4am and then i was like "what if i experimented with my writing style" and THEN i remembered how hard writing chikage is...... yeah. </p>
<p>its short and not very linear but i hope u enjoy it anyways! happy ckit week!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Itaru laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not the quiet, light chuckle he let out around others—one that's probably been rehearsed in the past, molded to fit the image he so carefully crafted for himself. This laughter was fuller, bubbling from his stomach and chest, getting caught in his throat and nearly taking his breath away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Chikage had heard it plenty of times now, being his roommate <em> and </em>partner. But, really, he could never get sick of the sound; even if that was something he'd certainly never admit out loud. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Itaru reached up and pinched his cheek, effectively pulling him from whatever daze he had been in. "Quit it, Senpai," he teased, a smile still dancing along his lips. "If you keep staring at me like that, I might start thinking you're in love with me or something." </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> Love, huh. </em> Chikage… scarcely ever used the word. It was a feeling he didn't associate with many things or people, after all—because love meant attachment, and such sentimentality simply didn't mix well with the life he led. That was a lesson he learned the hard way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yet… he found himself raising his hand up, gently brushing Itaru's bangs from his eyes. Before he could once again succumb to his cowardice and push the words back down, he spoke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hm. I suppose that is what this feeling is," he mused, his tone sounding as if he was talking about something as mundane as the weather. Surely the fondness in his eyes betrayed the casual front he tried to put up, but... well, it wasn't like he minded all that much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Whatever retort Itaru had completely died in his throat at that, his face flushing a rather pretty shade of pink. "Th-that's…" He trailed off, simply burying his face in Chikage's shoulder and groaning. "You're unfair. Such a cruel senior," he mumbled, voice muffled. "And saying it so casually… unromantic. Unmistakably unromantic."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Chikage merely chuckled in response, wrapping his arms around his partner and pulling him closer. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After presumably regaining the ability to think properly, Itaru pried himself away—though only far enough so he could look up at Chikage, meeting his gaze. "I love you too," he muttered, and though it wasn't the first time he said the words, they still managed to affect Chikage as if it were. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course he would be bewildered. Never in a thousand years would he have expected to hear those words, especially coming from someone like Itaru—someone who knew of his imperfections, who had witnessed some of his mistakes firsthand. Someone who he had hurt in the past, and could possibly hurt again in the future–</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Itaru's hands were cupping Chikage's face before the latter even realized they moved. How uncharacteristic of him, he thought, being so unaware of his surroundings. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Senpai," Itaru whispered, as if to pull him from his trance, and it was almost scary how transparent Chikage felt when Itaru looked at him like that. Each and every instinct within him told him to pull away, to hide behind his mask where those sincere eyes couldn't look into him, but–</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't. Instead, Chikage leaned into the warmth of Itaru's hands. And when Itaru moved closer and kissed him, he accepted it gladly, pulling him closer. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was hard. Loving others, allowing himself to be loved—but Chikage knew he wasn't the only one struggling. Itaru, too, has his own inner demons; and if he, despite it all, still allowed himself to love Chikage, then… </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, it would only be fair if Chikage put forth his own effort, too. For Itaru's sake, if nothing else.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!!! they inspire me to write and in general give me lots of good ol' serotonin ♡♡</p>
<p>whew. thinking abt chikage is fun but feels like fuckin. mind olympics. </p>
<p>theres not much dialogue which makes me sad bcs i looove writing dialogue (especially for ckit) but i kinda wanted to give off a different kind of vibe here ? like their love language definitely is not words bcs they suck with those lol, so i kinda wanted to show their silent understanding and patience for each other a bit.... though its short and vague so it probably didnt come across very well anyways HFJDHFJ im just experimenting here ok .. gimme a break</p>
<p>OKOK ENOUGH RAMBLING.... my twitter is @kuroddin! i like talking about chikaita ....</p></blockquote></div></div>
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